God...will you?

Today was my due date to have our Baby Peanut. I just woke up and I already have a knot in my stomach. It hasn't rained here in quite some time and I think it is so appropriate for God to decide to give us rain today. It is as if he is crying along with me and Jason. I asked my husband last night if today was going to be a sad day for him. I was surprised when he said that yes - today will be pretty sad. Men - well mine at least - keeps his feelings pretty private and sometimes I try to guess what he is feeling. I hate to say this, but I was relieved when Jason recognized that today is a special day. I feel like I am not alone in my grief and that is really comforting.

My husband is really looking forward to watching fireworks tonight and I just pray that I can make him believe that I am enjoying the day and the fireworks. He LOVES fireworks. I wonder if the 4th of July will ever be the same for us?

I think of our angel everyday. I thank God for my support system, especially my sister-in-law, Cori, and this website. Silent Grief has been a Godsend. I have only posted a few times on there, but the support that comes from other ladies going through the exact same thing is just priceless. Even if you do not want to post a message on the message board, I have found it SO helpful to just read through the comments left by others. There is even support available for trying to conceive after loss, going through another pregnancy after loss, and for those who suffer through multiple miscarriages. If you have gone through a miscarriage and later child loss, I highly recommend that you visit this site.


I read this once while I was visiting the Silent Grief website -

"God, I wanted to hold my baby on my lap and tell him about you, but since I didn't get the chance, will you hold him in your lap and tell him about me?"


That is exactly what is on my heart today.

God, will you do this for me? Will you please tell him how much we love him and how much we wanted him?