How many chances does one person deserve?
To explain why I am asking this question will involve a rather long story...so bare with me.
Both of my parents are dating again. Ugh. They have both picked "friends" that I probably wouldn't have chosen myself, but it isn't my decision now, is it? If I had my choice, they would still be together. I digress.
My Dad's girlfriend, Debi, has a lot of problems. She is an alcoholic and she is trying to get better. My mother is a recovering alcoholic so I understand the disease and I sympathize and empathize with her. They have been dating for a little over a year...off and on. They are often off when Debi starts drinking again. That then puts my sisters and I in a difficult situation. Well, that happened AGAIN 2 months ago. Debi is at a crossroads in her disease. She is to the point where when she drinks, she gets really nasty. Two months ago, she drained my dad financially and physically assaulted him. My entire family has washed their hands of Debi. I just can't do that.
Why can't I wash my hands of Debi? It took my mom MANY MANY MANY tries at working the AA program before it finally worked for her. If I would have given up on my mom, we wouldn't have the wonderful relationship we have now. My mom's alcoholism had progressed to the point where Debi is in her disease and it was BAD. But...my mom DID get better. I had to give my mom so many chances that I lost track...but I don't think I gave her too many. I think that as long as someone is trying to get better and receive help, then they deserve another chance.
My family - aunts and uncles and cousins and a sister - are all having a hard time giving Debi another chance. That weighs heavy on my heart. Please keep my family in your prayers and especially Debi since she is so sick. I hope she can get well and lead a happy and healthy life.
Many of you post such sweet comments on my blog. Thank you so much! I also get e-mails fairly often saying that I am strong and brave for sharing such personal details of my life on this blog. Most days I do not feel brave and strong, but your comments help me to continue to write. I get asked how can I do it and I wonder to myself how can I not? Thank you for allowing me a place to share my life, my hurts, my hopes, my dreams, and for being so tender with the words that come across the screen. I appreciate each of you.
Be inspired!
1 comment:
Tina,
You are brave to share such personal things. I think not everyone has the ability to continue to give more chances...you are blessed to be able to have that patience. I think it's OK for others to have limits different than yours. (not that you are saying otherwise)
I just mean we all have our own personal capacity to deal with things before it starts to affect us too much. This may be the case with some of your family. We are all affected in these situations, but some people (just b/c of the way they are wired..or other things in their lives) have much different limits.
Many times I'm like you...with close family (or like family). I can keep giving and supporting. But then there are times when I have reached my personal limit or patience/ 2nd chances, etc. And I can no longer open myself up because of the impact it has on me and or my family.
Keep showing your support and praying for Debi and your family. But be sure to remember your family just may have different limits than you and thats OK.
I hope you have a great weekend. And thank you again for sharing your life! it was a good reminder for me today on a few things I have going on. Oh 2nd chances...and 3rd and 4th. :-)
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