Tushy Talk

Landon is starting to improve...his tushy is just giving us all kinds of trouble. Landon's fever is gone (yippy skippy!), his cough has improved, his ears are clear of infection - just have fluid sitting on them, and his runny nose is getting better. We are just having trouble with his poops (oh man when you become a mom do your conversations EVER change!) and the TERRIBLE yeast infection that has developed because of the poops. We are headed back to the doctor on Monday if this hasn't cleared up by then. We are pumping yogurt and probiotics into him like crazy as well as using the prescription ointment + A&D ointment + soothing gel. It is just awful. He cries during every change - real tears - and it is heart-wrenching.

Enough tushy talk...

Jason and I have made a big decision for the time being. We have decided that Landon will be our one and only child. We have given this much MUCH thought. We have decided to count our blessings with Landon and not pursue having other children. I am, amazingly, very at peace with this decision. Landon will be one spoiled rotten - but very LOVED - little boy. You never know what the future holds...but for now...that is where our hearts are. Jason doesn't want to risk my health when we have Landon to love and he is perfect. I would, but my doctor was really honest and the likelihood that the psychosis and depression would return is very great. It is almost definite. Luckily for me, I have best girlfriends having babies all over the place so I will get my baby fix in! :) My doctor also was completely honest about adoption. Now, I know that sometimes it works out and everyone is happy, but he spoke about some patients he has had that had TERRIBLE experiences - the babies grow up to have psychological problems, behavioral problems, abuse their adoptive parents because of psychological problems passed down from the biological parents. Jason and I run the same risk with my history of passing on these genes to Landon, but we can't knowingly place Landon in a possible unhealthy situation. We have to look out for the best interest of the son we have right now.

So my heart is kind of heavy because I was hoping to be able to have a sibling for Landon to grow up with, but I am coming to peace with this decision. One of my best friends has a son who is also going to be an only. They can be great buddies in life - we hope! :)

I am ready to go through Landon's baby clothes, save the favorites, and pass down the rest along with other baby items to one of my best childhood friends since she is having another baby. That is a huge step for me! I think Jason is having a little bit of a hard time parting with some of our things, but why hold onto everything when my friend can get good use of them now?

It is the small steps...you know?

I thank God for Landon everyday. He is such a joy and is the center of our lives. I can't imagine life without him. He has made our dreams of becoming parents a reality and what a blessing that is.