I am so blessed. Believe me - I know this and I am so very thankful. The days when my world was full of the darkness and despair of depression is still fresh in my mind. At that time, I was so sad and felt that life was so hopeless. I couldn't see the joy in the every day things. I tried to, but I just couldn't. I was "tweeting" the other day and someone that I follow who is currently suffering from postpartum depression among other disorders is having a TOUGH time. She is deep within the dark days. Waiting to see her psychiatrist. Being given yet another combination of medication in the hopes of feeling like a human being again. Gosh, those are such difficult and long days. My heart aches for her. When I was told "it will get better," it was so hard to believe at the time. I mean, you just feel SO unbelievably miserable. You really do feel like things will never be okay again. But it is important for people to tell that person in the throes of depression that things WILL be okay. You WILL feel better. There is the other side and it is all you hope for it to be.
As we approach Thanksgiving, I can't help but feel so thankful for my family. Especially for my husband who has stood by my side through all of the ups and downs. We just celebrated our 5 year anniversary and I am just so proud of us as a couple. I truly believe that we were meant to be together and that if we can survive everything we have been through in those five short years, we will be together forever. Words can't express what I feel for the father of my son, but Jason's heart speaks to mine and he knows. I love you, Jason, and I am so thankful for you. The song by Jason Mraz - "I Won't Give Up" has been playing a lot lately and it really speaks to my heart. It totally makes me think of my marriage.
I also incredibly thankful for my son, Landon. He is the sunshine in my life. I feel so much love for him that my heart feels like it is just going to burst sometimes. I am so glad that Jason and Landon gave me that will to survive the depression. It is truly because of those two that I am doing so well today. They make me look forward to each and every day. They make me want to be the best wife and mommy I know how to be. They make my life complete.
I can't end this post without doing a shout out to my furry child, Murphy. He is so steadfast and loyal. We have such a good doggy and he is amazing with Landon. Landon loves his "Mur" and can't wait to get home to him everyday after school. It is so sweet! When I envisioned what Murphy would be like with our child, I had no idea that Murphy would exceed my expectations so much. He is a joy to have in our little family.
It feels so great to be on the other side of depression. I am so thankful for my life, my family, and my relationship with God.
I thought I would close with the words to the song "I Won't Give Up." Take good care and I will post more pictures soon! :)
"I Won't Give Up"
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No: I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.
I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
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